I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
