you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
