If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
