i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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