but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
