the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
