I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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