My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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