that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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