Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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