yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
