I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
