I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
