Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
