the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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