Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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