I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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