successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Are we still banned from the library?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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