barbara walters just said penis...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just shotgunned beers for America
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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