I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
