i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
