You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
