I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
