I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
