im drinking this country out of the recession.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
