we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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