Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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