Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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