Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
