u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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