Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
