she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
