Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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