two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
