Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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