she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
