he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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