oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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