When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize