all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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