Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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