Whod you bang
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
