I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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