this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
