my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This is classic penis vs brain.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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