oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
