kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
