I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
