my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
