just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
