Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
