I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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