We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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