Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
