JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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