New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
