so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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