bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
