she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
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I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
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Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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