Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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