I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
