Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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