forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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