i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
