im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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