you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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