last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
