Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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