So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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