I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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