I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
