I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
