She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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