if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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