"it" just moved
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
