do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
