dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
