idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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