take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
