Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
